I’ve never been great at accepting compliments.
Back when I was deep in the design world, people would say nice things about my work. But it always made me uncomfortable. I didn’t know what to do with the praise. I’d smile or nod, then quickly shift the attention elsewhere.
Some of that might come from growing up in New England. We’re not exactly known for being expressive with praise. We’ll compliment the weather before we compliment a person. And when we do, it usually comes with a side of sarcasm. Patriots fans might be the exception, but even they’ve gone quiet lately.
For a while, I had an incredible team around me. When people complimented something we produced, I’d redirect the credit. It was true, the team had done amazing work. But it also helped me avoid the discomfort of taking credit myself. I liked doing great work, but I didn’t really want the spotlight.
The Compliment That Stuck
Then something happened that stuck with me.
An old boss reached out years after we had worked together. Out of nowhere, he mentioned how much he appreciated the marketing work I’d done back then. It was thoughtful. It was specific. And it landed in a way most compliments never did.
I kept thinking about it. It stayed with me for the rest of the day.
Eventually I realized why.
That compliment came with no strings attached.
It wasn’t the opening act for a request. He didn’t follow it up with a favor. He wasn’t trying to recruit me for a last-minute project or ask for a referral or slip in a pitch. He just wanted to say something kind. That was it.
And it hit me how rare that actually is.
So many compliments we receive at work are transactional. A softener before a hard ask. A setup before more work. A spoonful of sugar before the medicine. You start to associate compliments with obligation. And after a while, you stop hearing the praise at all.
Even worse, you start to resent it. You hear a compliment and brace yourself for what’s coming next.
There’s also a whole category of praise that feels obligatory. The kind that comes from people close to you who are just trying to be supportive. It’s kind, but it’s not always grounded in your actual work. You thank them, but deep down you know it doesn’t carry the same weight.
That message from my old boss felt different. It felt earned. And it felt free.
A Compliment Without a Catch
Since then, I’ve tried to pay closer attention to how and when I give praise. I’ve caught myself holding back at times, afraid it might come across as disingenuous. Or I’ve let skepticism creep in, thinking compliments are just fluff. But when someone does meaningful work, saying something kind and specific is one of the easiest ways to show respect.
So here’s something to think about. When was the last time you gave someone a compliment with nothing attached?
No follow-up. No ask. No agenda.
Just a simple note to say, “Hey, I saw what you did, and I thought it was great.”
If you’re in a position to give praise, let it stand on its own. Generous, honest recognition matters. It helps people feel seen. And often, it sticks with them longer than you’d expect.
My only ask today is this: pick someone whose work you respect. Send them a note. A message. A quick comment. Just tell them what you appreciate.
That kind of compliment can change how someone sees their own work. And it might mean more than you know.